Thursday, April 30, 2009

My Aunt

Shes very sick! She lived with me for about a year a couple years ago! My kids grew very attached to her, she was there everyday, how could they not. When she moved out, it was very sudden and it hurt. I had done nothing to warrant her wanting to leave, we never made her feel unwelcome (intensionally anyway). We didnt hear from her for months. When we did, I wasnt sure I wanted to speak with her, she had broken promises with my children which hurt them, which in turn, hurt me.

Not long after this, she was diagnosed with cancer. That dreaded horrible disease that has taken so many close to me. At first, it didnt affect me. I even questioned myself as to whether or not I really could be that heartless. I couldnt though, i cared regardless of the bad stuff.

We've talked since, shes come to my house since and I had went to hers.

Couple of months ago, we found out theres nothing more they could do for her. She handled it as well as she could finding out this type of news. Yet again, I didnt even shed a tear. Is it because I am immune to the pain of death in my life anymore since I have seen so much of it? I still didnt know the answer.

Monday night, she had a stroke.

Shes now in the hospital. Shes on a morphine drip and when she gets to go home, she will be on 24 hour hospice care.

I did not find out till yesterday.


I have realized so much this week as far as how I handle my emotions. Mainly sadness. I eat.

Not to draw attention away from what is happening to my aunt, but that realization is profound for me.

I cried, than I ate, cried some more and some more food entered my mouth! Didnt even want to workout lastnight.

Shes not doing well, and I could strangle my cousins for not calling me or any other members of the family (BULLSHIT!!! Yep, i said it)!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear about your situation with your Aunt. I eat in regards to events going around myself as well, so I have an inkling about what you are talking about. All I know is that sometimes I have to say that mantra "one day at a time" to myself or it can seem to be too much. Try to be good to yourself during these trying times - read a good book, call an old friend, garden, whatever you like - things that you enjoy doing. Best wishes to you.