Thursday, June 18, 2009

Yes... I am not doing well... but i'll make it

I have some people in my life. Not a lot! My life is very robotic. I get up, wake my children up, get them ready for the day, get me ready for the day, drop them off, go to work. pick them up, work out every other day and then go home or go straight home. Cook, clean, wash my kids up and go to sleep. Everyday... I have no one but my children and sometimes my husband. I have friends online yes but you all know its not the same. I dont feel like I have my husband because his family hates me. Yes i know hate is a strong word but its the truth. They have despised me for 10 years.
I recently decided to no longer have anything to do with them or to be around them. My husband can go around them and take the kids. I personally will not do so. On fathers day, my husband will be at his parents house for a cook out. I will not be attending, I Have no intension of attending. I want my husband to go. I dont want him to feel like he has to choose. If he decides to be with me so be it but i wont get him a choice like that. He needs his family, he would be very unhappy without them. It was either him be unhappy or me. I am used to settling.
I have no one here. I begged my husband to not move here and buy his parents old house. I am depressed. I cry everyday. its hard to diet when you are used to having comfort food. i have a lot of emotions right now going on inside of me. I broke down crying at my house on my lunch break in fact! i am alone, here in this city i hate and have hated all my life. i just dont know how much more i can take. i have to go on though, my kids needs me. i will continue to work at a company where everyone treats me like shit and be part of a family of which hates me. my kids need me though. or would they be better off without me too. i just know i have to keep going.....

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Weigh IN Wednesday!

Team Maroon!
Were in the process of getting all our weights posted.

week 3~!

How did I do?

I lost 1.1 lbs. Not huge but a loss is a loss!

I have been dealing with a bad amount of stress this week.
I am in a deep funk in fact so I was expecting a loss but not a huge one.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Stole from Brooke

8 things I am looking forward to:

1. Seeing my dad this weekend (hopefully)
2. Getting upstairs in my house and cleaning it up
3. Selling the bunk beds
4. Eventually being out of debt
5. being able to buy clothes I like cause I am skinny (I have some ways to go on this one, lol)
6. Riding the dirtbike saturday night as usual
7. 5pm monday through friday
8. Getting back to the YMCA to work out

8 things I did yesterday:

1. Ate
2. Worked
3. Fought off mosquitos
4. Fought with my husband
5. Washed 3 loads of clothes and folded them
6. Realized so much about my life
7. blogged
8. Ate more triscuits than I should of last night

8 things I wish I could do:

1. Have a pay day and be in the positive in my check book
2. Buy my oldest summer clothes
3. Lose this weight
4. Be unconditionally happy
5. Spend money without feeling guilty
6. Go to the YMCA everyday!
7. Let go of past agressions
8. Be more active with my kids

8 shows I watch:

1. One tree Hill
2. Desperate Housewives
3. Brothers and Sisters
4. One life to live
5. John and Kate plus 8
6. So you think you can dance
7. Deadliest Catch
8. Ax Men

8 people tagged:

8. You

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Weigh In Wednesday

Its wednesday and time to weigh in!

I knew when I woke up this morning that there would be a slim chance at a great loss for the week, I even thought I might even have a gain!

Last week: 232.8
This Week: 232.4

Loss -.04

Better than gaining and I know where I went wrong! I will do better next week, I know it! Getting my jump Rope tonight too, lol!


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Team Maroon! Weigh In Wednesday!

I weighed in the morning.


I am so ready for this challenge!!!!!


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

True Confessions

1. I have not only fallen off the wagon, it also ran me over.

2. Just because i can basically get 12 packs for free this week of coke products, bad idea, I love soda too much and it doesnt need to be in my house.

3. Still bought them though, my husband better drink up!

4. My emotional eating got really bad recently with the passing of my aunt and such.

5. Not to mention the fight my mother started with me immediately following the funeral over a DAMN COOKIE.

6. Not my cookie, my daughters cookie.

7. Need to get back to the gym, i feel like i get a better workout there.

8. I dont want to put the kids in child watch though, they tend to get sick when going there.

9. The swine flu scares me!

10. I hate my job, ok, scratch that, I dont hate the job itself, I could however do without some of the people I work with.

11. My monthly visitor will be here this week.

12. Migraines and bad ass cramps along with it!

13. I am 1 lb away from my 10% weight loss, SO CLOSE!!!!!!!!

I have some work to do! Yay for me!!!!!

Monday, June 1, 2009



Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I've been absent. My Aunt Died :(

She passed away last wednesday (5/20) which also happened to be her 53rd birthday. I have been absent from many things because for the week prior to that I was back and forth up to the hospital seeing her. I havent lost or gained weight, somehow maintained in fact. I am back now though.

Sorry for the vanishing act!

Thursday, April 30, 2009

My Aunt

Shes very sick! She lived with me for about a year a couple years ago! My kids grew very attached to her, she was there everyday, how could they not. When she moved out, it was very sudden and it hurt. I had done nothing to warrant her wanting to leave, we never made her feel unwelcome (intensionally anyway). We didnt hear from her for months. When we did, I wasnt sure I wanted to speak with her, she had broken promises with my children which hurt them, which in turn, hurt me.

Not long after this, she was diagnosed with cancer. That dreaded horrible disease that has taken so many close to me. At first, it didnt affect me. I even questioned myself as to whether or not I really could be that heartless. I couldnt though, i cared regardless of the bad stuff.

We've talked since, shes come to my house since and I had went to hers.

Couple of months ago, we found out theres nothing more they could do for her. She handled it as well as she could finding out this type of news. Yet again, I didnt even shed a tear. Is it because I am immune to the pain of death in my life anymore since I have seen so much of it? I still didnt know the answer.

Monday night, she had a stroke.

Shes now in the hospital. Shes on a morphine drip and when she gets to go home, she will be on 24 hour hospice care.

I did not find out till yesterday.


I have realized so much this week as far as how I handle my emotions. Mainly sadness. I eat.

Not to draw attention away from what is happening to my aunt, but that realization is profound for me.

I cried, than I ate, cried some more and some more food entered my mouth! Didnt even want to workout lastnight.

Shes not doing well, and I could strangle my cousins for not calling me or any other members of the family (BULLSHIT!!! Yep, i said it)!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Weigh in Wednesday at the sisterhood again! Week 5, 3 weeks left!

Bottom Line: I gained! I am at 233 now!

Thats ok! I expected it! I enjoyed food this weekend, too much of it! I am now back on track and ready to kick my fat butt into gear again!!!!!!

Up 1.8 which is what I lost the week before! Its all good!!!