Thursday, June 18, 2009

Yes... I am not doing well... but i'll make it

I have some people in my life. Not a lot! My life is very robotic. I get up, wake my children up, get them ready for the day, get me ready for the day, drop them off, go to work. pick them up, work out every other day and then go home or go straight home. Cook, clean, wash my kids up and go to sleep. Everyday... I have no one but my children and sometimes my husband. I have friends online yes but you all know its not the same. I dont feel like I have my husband because his family hates me. Yes i know hate is a strong word but its the truth. They have despised me for 10 years.
I recently decided to no longer have anything to do with them or to be around them. My husband can go around them and take the kids. I personally will not do so. On fathers day, my husband will be at his parents house for a cook out. I will not be attending, I Have no intension of attending. I want my husband to go. I dont want him to feel like he has to choose. If he decides to be with me so be it but i wont get him a choice like that. He needs his family, he would be very unhappy without them. It was either him be unhappy or me. I am used to settling.
I have no one here. I begged my husband to not move here and buy his parents old house. I am depressed. I cry everyday. its hard to diet when you are used to having comfort food. i have a lot of emotions right now going on inside of me. I broke down crying at my house on my lunch break in fact! i am alone, here in this city i hate and have hated all my life. i just dont know how much more i can take. i have to go on though, my kids needs me. i will continue to work at a company where everyone treats me like shit and be part of a family of which hates me. my kids need me though. or would they be better off without me too. i just know i have to keep going.....

4 comments:

Tiffany said...

Oh, Michelle, I have been there. Maybe not the horrible in-laws part, but I have been in new cities more times than I care to count. And I have battled severe depression since I was 16. I will tell you what I'd tell anyone - therapy and medication are important. I know it's expensive, but trust me it's hard to make it through on your own. Asking for help is okay. And help can come in the form of friends, meds, a good therapist, or just help with the dishes. There are lots of good support groups, either online or through a local facility. And you can find new activities and new friends by looking for local attractions/groups/clubs/etc. in your local paper. It's taken me a long time to feel better, and it still comes and goes. I have problems in the spring more than any other time. I've tried 4 different meds now and am still trying to find the perfect combo. Don't worry, you're not alone...

Brooke said...

i'm sorry *hugs*

Mimi said...

I'm 2nding exactly what Tiffany and Brooke said.

Don't worry about the dieting. Focus on the mental health and the second will follow. Get the help you need to feel better.

Aleta said...

You haven't posted in a while. I pray you are doing better. Hurry back.