She passed away last wednesday (5/20) which also happened to be her 53rd birthday. I have been absent from many things because for the week prior to that I was back and forth up to the hospital seeing her. I havent lost or gained weight, somehow maintained in fact. I am back now though.
Sorry for the vanishing act!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
My Aunt
Shes very sick! She lived with me for about a year a couple years ago! My kids grew very attached to her, she was there everyday, how could they not. When she moved out, it was very sudden and it hurt. I had done nothing to warrant her wanting to leave, we never made her feel unwelcome (intensionally anyway). We didnt hear from her for months. When we did, I wasnt sure I wanted to speak with her, she had broken promises with my children which hurt them, which in turn, hurt me.
Not long after this, she was diagnosed with cancer. That dreaded horrible disease that has taken so many close to me. At first, it didnt affect me. I even questioned myself as to whether or not I really could be that heartless. I couldnt though, i cared regardless of the bad stuff.
We've talked since, shes come to my house since and I had went to hers.
Couple of months ago, we found out theres nothing more they could do for her. She handled it as well as she could finding out this type of news. Yet again, I didnt even shed a tear. Is it because I am immune to the pain of death in my life anymore since I have seen so much of it? I still didnt know the answer.
Monday night, she had a stroke.
Shes now in the hospital. Shes on a morphine drip and when she gets to go home, she will be on 24 hour hospice care.
I did not find out till yesterday.
I ATE ALOT YESTERDAY!
I have realized so much this week as far as how I handle my emotions. Mainly sadness. I eat.
Not to draw attention away from what is happening to my aunt, but that realization is profound for me.
I cried, than I ate, cried some more and some more food entered my mouth! Didnt even want to workout lastnight.
Shes not doing well, and I could strangle my cousins for not calling me or any other members of the family (BULLSHIT!!! Yep, i said it)!
Not long after this, she was diagnosed with cancer. That dreaded horrible disease that has taken so many close to me. At first, it didnt affect me. I even questioned myself as to whether or not I really could be that heartless. I couldnt though, i cared regardless of the bad stuff.
We've talked since, shes come to my house since and I had went to hers.
Couple of months ago, we found out theres nothing more they could do for her. She handled it as well as she could finding out this type of news. Yet again, I didnt even shed a tear. Is it because I am immune to the pain of death in my life anymore since I have seen so much of it? I still didnt know the answer.
Monday night, she had a stroke.
Shes now in the hospital. Shes on a morphine drip and when she gets to go home, she will be on 24 hour hospice care.
I did not find out till yesterday.
I ATE ALOT YESTERDAY!
I have realized so much this week as far as how I handle my emotions. Mainly sadness. I eat.
Not to draw attention away from what is happening to my aunt, but that realization is profound for me.
I cried, than I ate, cried some more and some more food entered my mouth! Didnt even want to workout lastnight.
Shes not doing well, and I could strangle my cousins for not calling me or any other members of the family (BULLSHIT!!! Yep, i said it)!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Weigh in Wednesday at the sisterhood again! Week 5, 3 weeks left!
Bottom Line: I gained! I am at 233 now!
Thats ok! I expected it! I enjoyed food this weekend, too much of it! I am now back on track and ready to kick my fat butt into gear again!!!!!!
Up 1.8 which is what I lost the week before! Its all good!!!
:)
Bottom Line: I gained! I am at 233 now!
Thats ok! I expected it! I enjoyed food this weekend, too much of it! I am now back on track and ready to kick my fat butt into gear again!!!!!!
Up 1.8 which is what I lost the week before! Its all good!!!
:)
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Weigh In Wednesday!
Last week: 233
This week: 231.2
Loss for the week: 1.8 lbs
Loss for this challenge: 6 lbs
YAY, a loss after a couple weeks are maintaining!!!! SO nice!!!!!!! I am so happy, wishing for more but no big deal!!!!! I am doing this and will continue doing this!!!!!! I am still 9 bs away from my goal for this challenge! I know I can do this, I do really need to step it up some though!!!! And I will!!!!!
How is everyone else doing?
This week: 231.2
Loss for the week: 1.8 lbs
Loss for this challenge: 6 lbs
YAY, a loss after a couple weeks are maintaining!!!! SO nice!!!!!!! I am so happy, wishing for more but no big deal!!!!! I am doing this and will continue doing this!!!!!! I am still 9 bs away from my goal for this challenge! I know I can do this, I do really need to step it up some though!!!! And I will!!!!!
How is everyone else doing?
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
PictureMail
My daddy and my girls on easter!
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So I mentioned my inlaws earlier, heres the story to go with it
My inlaws have never ever treated me right. This july me and my husband have been together for 10 years! For 10 years basically i have been the black sheep. So many reasons according to them for this and some of which they have dared not said but I know is part of it.
1. I am not his ex. I did not know he was dating someone when we got together, she was off in bible camp. MY BAD! I found out 2 weeks into our relationship he had a girlfriend who he promptly broke up with the day she returned.
2. I was not and am not skinny (yet). Everyone in his family is skinny in some shape or form. Oh well, he loves my extra fluff!
3, I speak my mind. If you say something that bothers me, i let you know it, i dont keep my mouth shut at all. I will even argue also and get very loud!
These are just 3 things. The things this family has put me through would of caused most woman to just walk away! I almost did about 7.5 years ago!
They had his ex move in while i was preggers with our oldest. They told me i didnt have to come around they didnt care. They had her move into thomas's grandmas house after I had liz and started working again, they tried to teach liz to call her mommy.
They hid her from me whenever I went over there, she hid for hours at a time in the closet cause she knew if i saw her, she would be in a world of hurt! She would write him notes and everything. I left him when liz was about 8 months old. He owuld not allow me to take her until I was settled.
His parents convinced him i abandoned liz and when he went to boot camp, he tried to sign custody over to his parents but it didnt work, I got her anyway! It was bad, very bad!
My brother in law has tried to kill me 3 times! tried to drown me, came after me with a pitch fork and with a chain saw! Hes crazy!
My sister in law has even came after me when i was preggers and tried to kick me in my stomach!
My father in law is a perv, i used to wake up to him watching me sleep. Hes a boob man, i know this cause i have big boobs!
My mother in law is crazy as well. She has cursed me out, yelled at me, put me down to my kids, cussed me out in front of me kids and even attacked me. I let her hit me 3 times cause her dad had died the day before but after that 3rd time, she got her ass whooped and ended up with a mild concussion.
Now, they treat mary differently, why, I do not know. All the other grandchildren dont get treated like this, I dont understand it personally. Mary is 5, yes she has a temper and lets it be known but give the kid a chance. They have even went so far as to doubt her paternity. Now, those who have seen my two kids know that theres no way you can doubt them being sisters. Heres a pic!
really, trust me, they are sisters, lol!
My inlaws are crazy! And it took up until about 2 years ago for my husband to truly stand up for me but he has started to. Plus, i can stand up for myself and he knows that!
But when you treat me child in a wrong way, its on and they know it!
Theres some of the story, trust me theres so much more but i cant type for hours on end!!!1
1. I am not his ex. I did not know he was dating someone when we got together, she was off in bible camp. MY BAD! I found out 2 weeks into our relationship he had a girlfriend who he promptly broke up with the day she returned.
2. I was not and am not skinny (yet). Everyone in his family is skinny in some shape or form. Oh well, he loves my extra fluff!
3, I speak my mind. If you say something that bothers me, i let you know it, i dont keep my mouth shut at all. I will even argue also and get very loud!
These are just 3 things. The things this family has put me through would of caused most woman to just walk away! I almost did about 7.5 years ago!
They had his ex move in while i was preggers with our oldest. They told me i didnt have to come around they didnt care. They had her move into thomas's grandmas house after I had liz and started working again, they tried to teach liz to call her mommy.
They hid her from me whenever I went over there, she hid for hours at a time in the closet cause she knew if i saw her, she would be in a world of hurt! She would write him notes and everything. I left him when liz was about 8 months old. He owuld not allow me to take her until I was settled.
His parents convinced him i abandoned liz and when he went to boot camp, he tried to sign custody over to his parents but it didnt work, I got her anyway! It was bad, very bad!
My brother in law has tried to kill me 3 times! tried to drown me, came after me with a pitch fork and with a chain saw! Hes crazy!
My sister in law has even came after me when i was preggers and tried to kick me in my stomach!
My father in law is a perv, i used to wake up to him watching me sleep. Hes a boob man, i know this cause i have big boobs!
My mother in law is crazy as well. She has cursed me out, yelled at me, put me down to my kids, cussed me out in front of me kids and even attacked me. I let her hit me 3 times cause her dad had died the day before but after that 3rd time, she got her ass whooped and ended up with a mild concussion.
Now, they treat mary differently, why, I do not know. All the other grandchildren dont get treated like this, I dont understand it personally. Mary is 5, yes she has a temper and lets it be known but give the kid a chance. They have even went so far as to doubt her paternity. Now, those who have seen my two kids know that theres no way you can doubt them being sisters. Heres a pic!
really, trust me, they are sisters, lol!
My inlaws are crazy! And it took up until about 2 years ago for my husband to truly stand up for me but he has started to. Plus, i can stand up for myself and he knows that!
But when you treat me child in a wrong way, its on and they know it!
Theres some of the story, trust me theres so much more but i cant type for hours on end!!!1
Weigh In Wednesday and Confessions!
So I maintained this past week, shocking considering my husband decided to buy me my kryptonite! Reeses eggs!!!!! I had ice cream too, not the healthy kind!
So weight for the week: 233
Thats ok! I maintained, and I am happy about that because it could of been so much worse!
So..... about shredding! I made it to day 3! I havent been able to do it since! My husband has taken over our TV with his new Wii game , its something to do with golds gym!
I finally let him know how upset i was about it too on monday! So he stopped his game and turned on the shred for me. I got going, could tell right away i hadnt done it in a few days! Was doing great but every time i bent over to do something, even just pick up the weights, my husband would be behind me saying "yeah baby, just like that". I cant laugh and work out, not possible for me. I asked him to go to another room cause of this and he wouldnt. He knows i cant stand it when he says crap like that, lol, its funny to hear but really, not attractive, lol! He just says it just to say it, cause trust me hes no barry white, he just likes to make me laugh!
I spent the whole day painting yesterday so no shred then either. Honestly, I dont even know if I will be able to tonight either. I have to drive my kids to my parents house to spend the next couple of days. I am going to miss my babies!!!!!
My inlaws treat my youngest very badly, I do not know why but I will not leave her with them anymore. LONG STORY!
I miss shredding, I truly do, I am going to start over at Day 1! Its only right!
Friday, April 10, 2009
Shred - Day 3
I completed my 3rd day yesterday with jillian! Its getting a little easier, I dont hurt as bad today as I did yesterday! My husband joined in half way through yesterday, lol!
I will be heading home soon for my 4 day weekend! I will do my shred tonight and even over my 4 day weekend! Even while the reeses eggs are staring at me. My husband referred to them today as my kryptonite, lol!
Have a wonderful easter everyone!!!!
I will be heading home soon for my 4 day weekend! I will do my shred tonight and even over my 4 day weekend! Even while the reeses eggs are staring at me. My husband referred to them today as my kryptonite, lol!
Have a wonderful easter everyone!!!!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
30 Day Shred - Day 2 - I did it!
Yesterday, I knew jillian had worked me on day one! I knew there were actually muscles that I was feeling pain in that I had not felt in years! Push ups..... umm.... this is a lot of weight to hold up so I do the knee assisted type but yet still, alot of weight to hold up.
I did day 2 yesterday when I got home from work and while dinner was cooking. I had to take a couple of breaks though because the kids got home or the timer went off in the kitchen, but it was like 10 15 second breaks, lol.
In the beginning, i was hurting! About half way through i truly started to feel better and not in so much pain! My jumping jacks were higher and my butt kicks were higher, i felt great! I finished it!
I then decided to go to the YMCA and get my wednesday normal workout in. HAHAHA, i have to laugh at myself thinking that was going to be possible because of jillian trying to kill me.
I was able to do 2.35 miles on the elliptical as normal but nothing else. I did some strength training and went and sat in the sauna for about 10 minutes.
Today.... my calves, arms, shoulders and my right heel hurts!!! But I will be ok and will do day 3 tonight!!!!!!
Me and Jillian, We are developing a love hate relationship right now!
I did day 2 yesterday when I got home from work and while dinner was cooking. I had to take a couple of breaks though because the kids got home or the timer went off in the kitchen, but it was like 10 15 second breaks, lol.
In the beginning, i was hurting! About half way through i truly started to feel better and not in so much pain! My jumping jacks were higher and my butt kicks were higher, i felt great! I finished it!
I then decided to go to the YMCA and get my wednesday normal workout in. HAHAHA, i have to laugh at myself thinking that was going to be possible because of jillian trying to kill me.
I was able to do 2.35 miles on the elliptical as normal but nothing else. I did some strength training and went and sat in the sauna for about 10 minutes.
Today.... my calves, arms, shoulders and my right heel hurts!!! But I will be ok and will do day 3 tonight!!!!!!
Me and Jillian, We are developing a love hate relationship right now!
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