I have some people in my life. Not a lot! My life is very robotic. I get up, wake my children up, get them ready for the day, get me ready for the day, drop them off, go to work. pick them up, work out every other day and then go home or go straight home. Cook, clean, wash my kids up and go to sleep. Everyday... I have no one but my children and sometimes my husband. I have friends online yes but you all know its not the same. I dont feel like I have my husband because his family hates me. Yes i know hate is a strong word but its the truth. They have despised me for 10 years.
I recently decided to no longer have anything to do with them or to be around them. My husband can go around them and take the kids. I personally will not do so. On fathers day, my husband will be at his parents house for a cook out. I will not be attending, I Have no intension of attending. I want my husband to go. I dont want him to feel like he has to choose. If he decides to be with me so be it but i wont get him a choice like that. He needs his family, he would be very unhappy without them. It was either him be unhappy or me. I am used to settling.
I have no one here. I begged my husband to not move here and buy his parents old house. I am depressed. I cry everyday. its hard to diet when you are used to having comfort food. i have a lot of emotions right now going on inside of me. I broke down crying at my house on my lunch break in fact! i am alone, here in this city i hate and have hated all my life. i just dont know how much more i can take. i have to go on though, my kids needs me. i will continue to work at a company where everyone treats me like shit and be part of a family of which hates me. my kids need me though. or would they be better off without me too. i just know i have to keep going.....
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Weigh IN Wednesday!
Team Maroon!
Were in the process of getting all our weights posted.
week 3~!
How did I do?
I lost 1.1 lbs. Not huge but a loss is a loss!
I have been dealing with a bad amount of stress this week.
I am in a deep funk in fact so I was expecting a loss but not a huge one.
YAY TEAM MAROON!
Were in the process of getting all our weights posted.
week 3~!
How did I do?
I lost 1.1 lbs. Not huge but a loss is a loss!
I have been dealing with a bad amount of stress this week.
I am in a deep funk in fact so I was expecting a loss but not a huge one.
YAY TEAM MAROON!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Stole from Brooke
8 things I am looking forward to:
1. Seeing my dad this weekend (hopefully)
2. Getting upstairs in my house and cleaning it up
3. Selling the bunk beds
4. Eventually being out of debt
5. being able to buy clothes I like cause I am skinny (I have some ways to go on this one, lol)
6. Riding the dirtbike saturday night as usual
7. 5pm monday through friday
8. Getting back to the YMCA to work out
8 things I did yesterday:
1. Ate
2. Worked
3. Fought off mosquitos
4. Fought with my husband
5. Washed 3 loads of clothes and folded them
6. Realized so much about my life
7. blogged
8. Ate more triscuits than I should of last night
8 things I wish I could do:
1. Have a pay day and be in the positive in my check book
2. Buy my oldest summer clothes
3. Lose this weight
4. Be unconditionally happy
5. Spend money without feeling guilty
6. Go to the YMCA everyday!
7. Let go of past agressions
8. Be more active with my kids
8 shows I watch:
1. One tree Hill
2. Desperate Housewives
3. Brothers and Sisters
4. One life to live
5. John and Kate plus 8
6. So you think you can dance
7. Deadliest Catch
8. Ax Men
8 people tagged:
8. You
1. Seeing my dad this weekend (hopefully)
2. Getting upstairs in my house and cleaning it up
3. Selling the bunk beds
4. Eventually being out of debt
5. being able to buy clothes I like cause I am skinny (I have some ways to go on this one, lol)
6. Riding the dirtbike saturday night as usual
7. 5pm monday through friday
8. Getting back to the YMCA to work out
8 things I did yesterday:
1. Ate
2. Worked
3. Fought off mosquitos
4. Fought with my husband
5. Washed 3 loads of clothes and folded them
6. Realized so much about my life
7. blogged
8. Ate more triscuits than I should of last night
8 things I wish I could do:
1. Have a pay day and be in the positive in my check book
2. Buy my oldest summer clothes
3. Lose this weight
4. Be unconditionally happy
5. Spend money without feeling guilty
6. Go to the YMCA everyday!
7. Let go of past agressions
8. Be more active with my kids
8 shows I watch:
1. One tree Hill
2. Desperate Housewives
3. Brothers and Sisters
4. One life to live
5. John and Kate plus 8
6. So you think you can dance
7. Deadliest Catch
8. Ax Men
8 people tagged:
8. You
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Weigh In Wednesday
Its wednesday and time to weigh in!
I knew when I woke up this morning that there would be a slim chance at a great loss for the week, I even thought I might even have a gain!
Last week: 232.8
This Week: 232.4
Loss -.04
Better than gaining and I know where I went wrong! I will do better next week, I know it! Getting my jump Rope tonight too, lol!
GO TEAM MAROON!
I knew when I woke up this morning that there would be a slim chance at a great loss for the week, I even thought I might even have a gain!
Last week: 232.8
This Week: 232.4
Loss -.04
Better than gaining and I know where I went wrong! I will do better next week, I know it! Getting my jump Rope tonight too, lol!
GO TEAM MAROON!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Team Maroon! Weigh In Wednesday!
I weighed in the morning.
232.8
I am so ready for this challenge!!!!!
TEAM MAROON, FIGHTING TO LOSE!!!!!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
True Confessions
1. I have not only fallen off the wagon, it also ran me over.
2. Just because i can basically get 12 packs for free this week of coke products, bad idea, I love soda too much and it doesnt need to be in my house.
3. Still bought them though, my husband better drink up!
4. My emotional eating got really bad recently with the passing of my aunt and such.
5. Not to mention the fight my mother started with me immediately following the funeral over a DAMN COOKIE.
6. Not my cookie, my daughters cookie.
7. Need to get back to the gym, i feel like i get a better workout there.
8. I dont want to put the kids in child watch though, they tend to get sick when going there.
9. The swine flu scares me!
10. I hate my job, ok, scratch that, I dont hate the job itself, I could however do without some of the people I work with.
11. My monthly visitor will be here this week.
12. Migraines and bad ass cramps along with it!
13. I am 1 lb away from my 10% weight loss, SO CLOSE!!!!!!!!
I have some work to do! Yay for me!!!!!
2. Just because i can basically get 12 packs for free this week of coke products, bad idea, I love soda too much and it doesnt need to be in my house.
3. Still bought them though, my husband better drink up!
4. My emotional eating got really bad recently with the passing of my aunt and such.
5. Not to mention the fight my mother started with me immediately following the funeral over a DAMN COOKIE.
6. Not my cookie, my daughters cookie.
7. Need to get back to the gym, i feel like i get a better workout there.
8. I dont want to put the kids in child watch though, they tend to get sick when going there.
9. The swine flu scares me!
10. I hate my job, ok, scratch that, I dont hate the job itself, I could however do without some of the people I work with.
11. My monthly visitor will be here this week.
12. Migraines and bad ass cramps along with it!
13. I am 1 lb away from my 10% weight loss, SO CLOSE!!!!!!!!
I have some work to do! Yay for me!!!!!
Monday, June 1, 2009
TEAM MAROON
I AM NOW A MEMBER OF TEAM MAROON. NO LONGER WITH WEIGHT WATCHERS, COULDNT AFFORD IT ANYMORE SO THIS IS WHAT I NEED! I WILL POST MORE LATER ABOUT IT. YAY!!!!!!!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
I've been absent. My Aunt Died :(
She passed away last wednesday (5/20) which also happened to be her 53rd birthday. I have been absent from many things because for the week prior to that I was back and forth up to the hospital seeing her. I havent lost or gained weight, somehow maintained in fact. I am back now though.
Sorry for the vanishing act!
Sorry for the vanishing act!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
My Aunt
Shes very sick! She lived with me for about a year a couple years ago! My kids grew very attached to her, she was there everyday, how could they not. When she moved out, it was very sudden and it hurt. I had done nothing to warrant her wanting to leave, we never made her feel unwelcome (intensionally anyway). We didnt hear from her for months. When we did, I wasnt sure I wanted to speak with her, she had broken promises with my children which hurt them, which in turn, hurt me.
Not long after this, she was diagnosed with cancer. That dreaded horrible disease that has taken so many close to me. At first, it didnt affect me. I even questioned myself as to whether or not I really could be that heartless. I couldnt though, i cared regardless of the bad stuff.
We've talked since, shes come to my house since and I had went to hers.
Couple of months ago, we found out theres nothing more they could do for her. She handled it as well as she could finding out this type of news. Yet again, I didnt even shed a tear. Is it because I am immune to the pain of death in my life anymore since I have seen so much of it? I still didnt know the answer.
Monday night, she had a stroke.
Shes now in the hospital. Shes on a morphine drip and when she gets to go home, she will be on 24 hour hospice care.
I did not find out till yesterday.
I ATE ALOT YESTERDAY!
I have realized so much this week as far as how I handle my emotions. Mainly sadness. I eat.
Not to draw attention away from what is happening to my aunt, but that realization is profound for me.
I cried, than I ate, cried some more and some more food entered my mouth! Didnt even want to workout lastnight.
Shes not doing well, and I could strangle my cousins for not calling me or any other members of the family (BULLSHIT!!! Yep, i said it)!
Not long after this, she was diagnosed with cancer. That dreaded horrible disease that has taken so many close to me. At first, it didnt affect me. I even questioned myself as to whether or not I really could be that heartless. I couldnt though, i cared regardless of the bad stuff.
We've talked since, shes come to my house since and I had went to hers.
Couple of months ago, we found out theres nothing more they could do for her. She handled it as well as she could finding out this type of news. Yet again, I didnt even shed a tear. Is it because I am immune to the pain of death in my life anymore since I have seen so much of it? I still didnt know the answer.
Monday night, she had a stroke.
Shes now in the hospital. Shes on a morphine drip and when she gets to go home, she will be on 24 hour hospice care.
I did not find out till yesterday.
I ATE ALOT YESTERDAY!
I have realized so much this week as far as how I handle my emotions. Mainly sadness. I eat.
Not to draw attention away from what is happening to my aunt, but that realization is profound for me.
I cried, than I ate, cried some more and some more food entered my mouth! Didnt even want to workout lastnight.
Shes not doing well, and I could strangle my cousins for not calling me or any other members of the family (BULLSHIT!!! Yep, i said it)!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Weigh in Wednesday at the sisterhood again! Week 5, 3 weeks left!
Bottom Line: I gained! I am at 233 now!
Thats ok! I expected it! I enjoyed food this weekend, too much of it! I am now back on track and ready to kick my fat butt into gear again!!!!!!
Up 1.8 which is what I lost the week before! Its all good!!!
:)
Bottom Line: I gained! I am at 233 now!
Thats ok! I expected it! I enjoyed food this weekend, too much of it! I am now back on track and ready to kick my fat butt into gear again!!!!!!
Up 1.8 which is what I lost the week before! Its all good!!!
:)
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Weigh In Wednesday!
Last week: 233
This week: 231.2
Loss for the week: 1.8 lbs
Loss for this challenge: 6 lbs
YAY, a loss after a couple weeks are maintaining!!!! SO nice!!!!!!! I am so happy, wishing for more but no big deal!!!!! I am doing this and will continue doing this!!!!!! I am still 9 bs away from my goal for this challenge! I know I can do this, I do really need to step it up some though!!!! And I will!!!!!
How is everyone else doing?
This week: 231.2
Loss for the week: 1.8 lbs
Loss for this challenge: 6 lbs
YAY, a loss after a couple weeks are maintaining!!!! SO nice!!!!!!! I am so happy, wishing for more but no big deal!!!!! I am doing this and will continue doing this!!!!!! I am still 9 bs away from my goal for this challenge! I know I can do this, I do really need to step it up some though!!!! And I will!!!!!
How is everyone else doing?
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
PictureMail
My daddy and my girls on easter!
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So I mentioned my inlaws earlier, heres the story to go with it
My inlaws have never ever treated me right. This july me and my husband have been together for 10 years! For 10 years basically i have been the black sheep. So many reasons according to them for this and some of which they have dared not said but I know is part of it.
1. I am not his ex. I did not know he was dating someone when we got together, she was off in bible camp. MY BAD! I found out 2 weeks into our relationship he had a girlfriend who he promptly broke up with the day she returned.
2. I was not and am not skinny (yet). Everyone in his family is skinny in some shape or form. Oh well, he loves my extra fluff!
3, I speak my mind. If you say something that bothers me, i let you know it, i dont keep my mouth shut at all. I will even argue also and get very loud!
These are just 3 things. The things this family has put me through would of caused most woman to just walk away! I almost did about 7.5 years ago!
They had his ex move in while i was preggers with our oldest. They told me i didnt have to come around they didnt care. They had her move into thomas's grandmas house after I had liz and started working again, they tried to teach liz to call her mommy.
They hid her from me whenever I went over there, she hid for hours at a time in the closet cause she knew if i saw her, she would be in a world of hurt! She would write him notes and everything. I left him when liz was about 8 months old. He owuld not allow me to take her until I was settled.
His parents convinced him i abandoned liz and when he went to boot camp, he tried to sign custody over to his parents but it didnt work, I got her anyway! It was bad, very bad!
My brother in law has tried to kill me 3 times! tried to drown me, came after me with a pitch fork and with a chain saw! Hes crazy!
My sister in law has even came after me when i was preggers and tried to kick me in my stomach!
My father in law is a perv, i used to wake up to him watching me sleep. Hes a boob man, i know this cause i have big boobs!
My mother in law is crazy as well. She has cursed me out, yelled at me, put me down to my kids, cussed me out in front of me kids and even attacked me. I let her hit me 3 times cause her dad had died the day before but after that 3rd time, she got her ass whooped and ended up with a mild concussion.
Now, they treat mary differently, why, I do not know. All the other grandchildren dont get treated like this, I dont understand it personally. Mary is 5, yes she has a temper and lets it be known but give the kid a chance. They have even went so far as to doubt her paternity. Now, those who have seen my two kids know that theres no way you can doubt them being sisters. Heres a pic!
really, trust me, they are sisters, lol!
My inlaws are crazy! And it took up until about 2 years ago for my husband to truly stand up for me but he has started to. Plus, i can stand up for myself and he knows that!
But when you treat me child in a wrong way, its on and they know it!
Theres some of the story, trust me theres so much more but i cant type for hours on end!!!1
1. I am not his ex. I did not know he was dating someone when we got together, she was off in bible camp. MY BAD! I found out 2 weeks into our relationship he had a girlfriend who he promptly broke up with the day she returned.
2. I was not and am not skinny (yet). Everyone in his family is skinny in some shape or form. Oh well, he loves my extra fluff!
3, I speak my mind. If you say something that bothers me, i let you know it, i dont keep my mouth shut at all. I will even argue also and get very loud!
These are just 3 things. The things this family has put me through would of caused most woman to just walk away! I almost did about 7.5 years ago!
They had his ex move in while i was preggers with our oldest. They told me i didnt have to come around they didnt care. They had her move into thomas's grandmas house after I had liz and started working again, they tried to teach liz to call her mommy.
They hid her from me whenever I went over there, she hid for hours at a time in the closet cause she knew if i saw her, she would be in a world of hurt! She would write him notes and everything. I left him when liz was about 8 months old. He owuld not allow me to take her until I was settled.
His parents convinced him i abandoned liz and when he went to boot camp, he tried to sign custody over to his parents but it didnt work, I got her anyway! It was bad, very bad!
My brother in law has tried to kill me 3 times! tried to drown me, came after me with a pitch fork and with a chain saw! Hes crazy!
My sister in law has even came after me when i was preggers and tried to kick me in my stomach!
My father in law is a perv, i used to wake up to him watching me sleep. Hes a boob man, i know this cause i have big boobs!
My mother in law is crazy as well. She has cursed me out, yelled at me, put me down to my kids, cussed me out in front of me kids and even attacked me. I let her hit me 3 times cause her dad had died the day before but after that 3rd time, she got her ass whooped and ended up with a mild concussion.
Now, they treat mary differently, why, I do not know. All the other grandchildren dont get treated like this, I dont understand it personally. Mary is 5, yes she has a temper and lets it be known but give the kid a chance. They have even went so far as to doubt her paternity. Now, those who have seen my two kids know that theres no way you can doubt them being sisters. Heres a pic!
really, trust me, they are sisters, lol!
My inlaws are crazy! And it took up until about 2 years ago for my husband to truly stand up for me but he has started to. Plus, i can stand up for myself and he knows that!
But when you treat me child in a wrong way, its on and they know it!
Theres some of the story, trust me theres so much more but i cant type for hours on end!!!1
Weigh In Wednesday and Confessions!
So I maintained this past week, shocking considering my husband decided to buy me my kryptonite! Reeses eggs!!!!! I had ice cream too, not the healthy kind!
So weight for the week: 233
Thats ok! I maintained, and I am happy about that because it could of been so much worse!
So..... about shredding! I made it to day 3! I havent been able to do it since! My husband has taken over our TV with his new Wii game , its something to do with golds gym!
I finally let him know how upset i was about it too on monday! So he stopped his game and turned on the shred for me. I got going, could tell right away i hadnt done it in a few days! Was doing great but every time i bent over to do something, even just pick up the weights, my husband would be behind me saying "yeah baby, just like that". I cant laugh and work out, not possible for me. I asked him to go to another room cause of this and he wouldnt. He knows i cant stand it when he says crap like that, lol, its funny to hear but really, not attractive, lol! He just says it just to say it, cause trust me hes no barry white, he just likes to make me laugh!
I spent the whole day painting yesterday so no shred then either. Honestly, I dont even know if I will be able to tonight either. I have to drive my kids to my parents house to spend the next couple of days. I am going to miss my babies!!!!!
My inlaws treat my youngest very badly, I do not know why but I will not leave her with them anymore. LONG STORY!
I miss shredding, I truly do, I am going to start over at Day 1! Its only right!
Friday, April 10, 2009
Shred - Day 3
I completed my 3rd day yesterday with jillian! Its getting a little easier, I dont hurt as bad today as I did yesterday! My husband joined in half way through yesterday, lol!
I will be heading home soon for my 4 day weekend! I will do my shred tonight and even over my 4 day weekend! Even while the reeses eggs are staring at me. My husband referred to them today as my kryptonite, lol!
Have a wonderful easter everyone!!!!
I will be heading home soon for my 4 day weekend! I will do my shred tonight and even over my 4 day weekend! Even while the reeses eggs are staring at me. My husband referred to them today as my kryptonite, lol!
Have a wonderful easter everyone!!!!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
30 Day Shred - Day 2 - I did it!
Yesterday, I knew jillian had worked me on day one! I knew there were actually muscles that I was feeling pain in that I had not felt in years! Push ups..... umm.... this is a lot of weight to hold up so I do the knee assisted type but yet still, alot of weight to hold up.
I did day 2 yesterday when I got home from work and while dinner was cooking. I had to take a couple of breaks though because the kids got home or the timer went off in the kitchen, but it was like 10 15 second breaks, lol.
In the beginning, i was hurting! About half way through i truly started to feel better and not in so much pain! My jumping jacks were higher and my butt kicks were higher, i felt great! I finished it!
I then decided to go to the YMCA and get my wednesday normal workout in. HAHAHA, i have to laugh at myself thinking that was going to be possible because of jillian trying to kill me.
I was able to do 2.35 miles on the elliptical as normal but nothing else. I did some strength training and went and sat in the sauna for about 10 minutes.
Today.... my calves, arms, shoulders and my right heel hurts!!! But I will be ok and will do day 3 tonight!!!!!!
Me and Jillian, We are developing a love hate relationship right now!
I did day 2 yesterday when I got home from work and while dinner was cooking. I had to take a couple of breaks though because the kids got home or the timer went off in the kitchen, but it was like 10 15 second breaks, lol.
In the beginning, i was hurting! About half way through i truly started to feel better and not in so much pain! My jumping jacks were higher and my butt kicks were higher, i felt great! I finished it!
I then decided to go to the YMCA and get my wednesday normal workout in. HAHAHA, i have to laugh at myself thinking that was going to be possible because of jillian trying to kill me.
I was able to do 2.35 miles on the elliptical as normal but nothing else. I did some strength training and went and sat in the sauna for about 10 minutes.
Today.... my calves, arms, shoulders and my right heel hurts!!! But I will be ok and will do day 3 tonight!!!!!!
Me and Jillian, We are developing a love hate relationship right now!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Yep, I'm shredding witht he sisterhood! Lastnight i tried it out for the first time. Few things i realized!
1. Doing this workout using youtube is not easy because its coming in 3 seperate sections, jillian is telling me not to stop but I have to so I can click play for the next part.
2. I hate push ups. So does my left arm, something kept popping when i was attempting these.
3. my legs are not in as good shape as i previously thought.
4. I need a more supportive sports bra to do the jumping jacks and jump rope moves because i swear i hit myself in the face a few times with the girls!
5. I want to do these workouts in the mornings but since I started at night, I am going to have to do 2 workouts in 12 hours to switch it up, not nice!
6. I am looking forward to the results 29 days from now. I started a day late!
7. My dvd will be here tomorrow!!!!
Don't you want o hate Jillian along with me?
So..... my before pictures
Well, technically I started this journey in January, I should of taken pics back then but did not. I am 23 lbs lighter than what I was in January and have lost some inches also. When I first saw these pics lastnight after taking them, I have to say, i felt like I hadnt dont as well as i thought. But this morning, looking at them again, yes, i am ashamed to post them but I'm doing something about this weight. So here they are, for everyone to see.
Front view, I just worked out doing the 30 day shred. Of course I dont look happy, Jillian does not like me and the feeling is mutual, lol!
I can see my legs are so much smalled than my midsection. I have alot of work to do! Geesh, now I can run and hide!
Front view, I just worked out doing the 30 day shred. Of course I dont look happy, Jillian does not like me and the feeling is mutual, lol!
I can see my legs are so much smalled than my midsection. I have alot of work to do! Geesh, now I can run and hide!
Weigh In Wednesday!
Well, this week I didnt do too bad. I stayed on point but definately did not work out like i wanted to!
Start of the challenge: 237.2
Last week weight: 234 EVEN
This morning at 6:15am : 233 EVEN
1 lb loss for the week
4.2 lbs. for the challenge so far, 10.8 lbs. to go!
Total loss since I started in January: 23 lbs!
LOL!
I can probably thank jillian for the loss, she tried to kill me lastnight, seriously, lol!
I will be posting my before pics today. Be afraid because I started crying when I saw these and its a real eye opener for me! I am no where near where I want to be and its all in my midsection!!!!!!
Start of the challenge: 237.2
Last week weight: 234 EVEN
This morning at 6:15am : 233 EVEN
1 lb loss for the week
4.2 lbs. for the challenge so far, 10.8 lbs. to go!
Total loss since I started in January: 23 lbs!
LOL!
I can probably thank jillian for the loss, she tried to kill me lastnight, seriously, lol!
I will be posting my before pics today. Be afraid because I started crying when I saw these and its a real eye opener for me! I am no where near where I want to be and its all in my midsection!!!!!!
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